Voltaire's Candide

"By all means, gentlemen," (24). These four words gets Candide into way more than the drink he was agreeing to toast to the "most amiable" (24) King's health.

What kind of person is this? Did his mother ever teach him not to talk to strangers? I mean, come on, it is one of the most important lessons of life that gets drilled into your head by the time you say your first word 'mama'!

Seriously, I was at a friend's house, and the baby finally spoke, said 'mama', and everyone screams in unison, 'Don't you ever talk to strangers!' The baby then nodded his head furiously, and we went on to admire and cuddle his cute face.

Next, why didn't he scream or yell 'help' when they "clapped him into irons and hauled him off to the barracks" (23). The second most important lesson in life is to not go anywhere with people you don't know, aka strangers. I mean, this is an important fact in life! It is so incredibly important, that you can't even go with strangers who offer you candy, much less help people find their puppy dog. Forrest Gump has this lesson down perfectly. His first day of school, he exersiced his wisdom by refusing to board the bus, because, of course, the bus lady was a stranger. After he introduced himself, and she introduced herself, it was okay though, because they weren't strangers anymore, and he proceeded to board the bus.

This Candide guy really is quite ridiculous. Like honestly, did he really believe that they (the normal and sane people) thought Free Will was for real? Of course it is just one of those crazy things you read in fiction books!-- like Unicorns and Draggons and Decision Making. He is so funny! Making comments about Free Will, and "say[ing] he wanted neither; he had to make his choice" (24). Maybe the heat was getting to him or something, because we all know that nobody ever 'chooses' anything. Epictetus would be shocked out of his toga - or whatever fad was 'new' back in his day.

The only people in this chapter who have any sense, were the very generous and kind, who granted his request of being beheaded. Of course he wasn't actually beheaded, the King of Burglars had enough mercy on the dim-witted Candide to pardon his terrible and unforgiveable crime. I mean, seriously, this King guy must be some amazing hero, to have enough patience for a criminal like Candide. Would you?